Independent women are by definition self-sufficient. They are not needy. As strong as we are however, we find ourselves in a wrong cycle of dates, described as relationship patterns.
Women are emotional. We build our armours of independency once we’ve been through a series of break-ups and bad experiences in relationship patterns.
It usually happens after long-term relationships, when we suddenly find ourselves all alone and in need of discovering who we really are, without referencing to a partner. Figuring out this part plays a big role in discovering who we are as individuals and not as part of a couple.
The next steps from here can have slightly different versions, but they can become relationship patterns for a modern woman struggling between freedom and need of love:
Stage 1: Enjoying Single Life
Some of us choose to go solo travelling, start new hobbies, get themselves busy and in short have a life. They understand that their relationship status doesn’t define who they are and they enjoy all that life has to offer.
On the other hand, some of us choose to lock away our feelings and start experimenting with one night stands, learning and having fun at the same time. But our heart stays safe in the meantime and we don’t consider ourselves emotionally available for others.
Neither of the above is wrong, it is a matter of choice and cure.
Stage 2: Need Of Affection
At some point along the way, we start feeling the need to fill a void and jump into relationship with the first nice guy that shows you attention (and calls after you had sex). This is the stage when the dating pattern divides into mistakes and lessons.
At this step, women can just end up using someone only to supress the need of a hug, but there heart is not invested. They realise later on that they have no feelings for the hugger and they walk away, but a side effect is hurting the other human being.
Stage 3: Relationship Patterns On Trial
We start searching. A search for love is not like looking for your keys in your bag, knowing that they are there and that you will eventually find them. You don’t know what your success rate will be. You just take chances. This stage is dangeorus and challenging in the whole process but it is the only proper way. As one of the recent books I read says, “it’s just a f*#(ing date”. So we start dating.
Scenarios here are varied. You accept invites for dinners or drinks. Even online dating might deserve a try. You go on many first dates and learn what you want and what you don’t want. That is, you are on your way to saving you the trouble of hurting and being hurt.
Stage 3.1: From Dating To Falling
Now you are officially becoming a go-getter. You know when you like someone, you are not afraid of telling them your feelings. Maybe you have a crush on a guy and he rejects you. Or you fall for a guy who just wants to keep things casual. Stuff can either transform into THE relationship or get you hurt and return straight back to Stage 1.
However, what all these stages of the relationship patterns teach us is to be aware of what we want and don’t want, what we can accept and what we cannot, what we need and what we are willing to give back.
Don’t expect to become an expert, we can never be fully prepared for what lays ahead. We might find ourselves in the position of making compromises we never thought we would make. Yes, independent women make compromises too and they have their own reasons why, but we are fully aware of our own choices and ready for the consequences. We know we can pick ourselves up eventually no matter what.
It’s when we miss being loved and getting affection that we become stronger and more independent. Because we know that we can either make the same mistakes over and over again and repeat the pattern, or we learn to love ourselves because no one else will love us better.
Regardless of how many times we go back to stage 1, we don’t make dating our priority, because we are too busy with having a life and feeling sorry for ourselves doesn’t fit in our schedules.
Photo: Magda Gheorghe