There is no correct or wrong answer when it comes to the right time to leave a relationship. The best way is to leave when you feel it’s harming you.
I’ve stated this before and I repeat: you need to be selfish and be happy for yourself before making the people around you happy. If you’re miserable in a relationship, rest assured that your partner is not in a good place either. You are unhappy that he doesn’t make you happy and therefore you can’t brighten things up. If it’s harming you and making you miserable, leave.
Easy to say, difficult to do. When I found myself trapped in a sort of relationship that was draining out all my energy, it took me a while to walk away. Did I want to challenge myself? Was I trying to prove a point? I have no idea, fact is I had to hit the bottom real hard to step out.
Relationships Start Well, Almost All End Badly
Until we find that one person that we NEVER want to leave them, we are bound to this exercise of hop-on-hop-off dating. It’s like a tourist riding a bus that drives on the same route but you are allowed to get on and off whenever you please and visit the …ahem…sights.
The sweet taste of beginnings always makes us see just the positive features of the new person in our life. When there are stupidly romantic words that blur the view and gestures that make you both hope for a good one, you ignore the differences. And then you wonder how can a good start of a relationship switch to the opposite end? I personally ended up feeling like I was dating the sum of all the mistakes from my past relationships.
My blame is always falling for “different”. If you stand out from the crowd and are everything but normal, you might be on my list. Age, religion, background, interests… the more different, the better. It may sound like I am experimenting, but maybe it is just a way of realising what I want by figuring out what I don’t want.
Moments That Were The Right Time To Leave A Relationship
Experience teaches you how to handle situations and emotions, but mistakes are always easily made. This time it was about testing my limits on how low my self esteem can go, so that I can know myself better, letting another person drain all my energy while being conscious of it being wrong.
I should have known it’s better to back down when he warned me about his bad temper. I’ve never liked being yelled at and I am terrible at handling fights. I don’t do yelling. However, I thought I was in such a good place that I am strong enough to deal with it. I needed to understand how self controlled I could be.
I should have reacted earlier to the negativity and pessimistic energy that I was receiving, instead I was fighting it with what I thought was enough positivity. It wasn’t enough. It was actually defeated by the negative thoughts about the surrounding world.
I should have walked away when he suggested an open relationship. I don’t do dating multiple people. Instead I stayed. I pushed my boundaries and with them my self esteem was sinking lower and lower.
Until we went on a trip that we had planned when we were still blinded by the new beginning. All the bad feelings and behaviours were unleashed. There was no violence involved, but emotions were sucked away from both me and him. There were insults instead. Being compared to the ex (ex-wife to be more specific) was the cherry on top. We pretty much ignored each other after this episode, both during the trip and afterwards. Because it was finally the right time to give up.
Why We Postpone The Right Time To Leave A Relationship
We tend to ignore the first signs when we start a relationship. We tend to forget that people are unpredictable. How can someone you share some of your deepest thoughts with can later transform into an impulsive person? How can they be there for you now and 5 minutes later hold your head under water?
The whole experience made me feel emotionally harassed, even though we weren’t even in love with each other. In fact, we weren’t even in a relationship. However, it drained all my energy and totally messed up my inner balance. I couldn’t write about it because I couldn’t face the fact that I allowed myself in this situation. I felt embarrassed and ashamed of how low my self esteem went.
I understood then that it was a matter of choice. My choice. A choice of staying in the relationship and a choice of leaving. And eventually it is a matter of sharing this with all of you so that both male and female readership understands when is the right time to leave a relationship.